Today, at 4:30pm, I finally cleared my Year 2 Sem 1 of SMU life.
It was yet another torturous semester; but this sem was particularly a hard struggle, a tough fight.
I was struggling between a pass and a fail; which till now, I still have no idea if I managed to pass.
3 semester had passed.
Although I acknowledge the tremendous improvement in my knowledge (especially language),
I feel that I am nowhere far from where I took off.
Or perhaps, I might have moved 'backwards' instead.
The Shiqi that I used to know was a clear fighter;
always pushing her limits and always seeking for growth.
I no longer see that in myself..
Perhaps when I was learning/practising the concept of 'letting go',
I became too lenient to myself and started to embrace failures.
Well, I know, that's something we should learn,
but I think at the same time, we should do our best too,
not telling yourself that 'it's okay to fail' before you even try.
Other than that, I remembered that my rationale for practising the concept of 'letting go' was mainly for myself to cope better and maintain a balance in life (have a good mix of school/family/fotang/rs/etc). But this was not fulfilled. Instead, I used the 'extra hours' (those free time that I 'gained' by not putting in my 100% for school work) to relax/chill/spend on things that are not as meaningful.
I'm not very, but extremely, disappointed with myself.
I hope I'll be able to move forward as my semester goes by.
If not, I would feel that I have wasted 4 years of my Uni life.
Uni life is supposed to make me grow stronger, not weaker.
So JIAYOU SHIQI, please make it happen, I know you can (:
Last point to note:
Remember to cultivate a relationship with God.
It's not only you and superboy, but with dearest bigmummy too.