No more infatuation;
I got my feelings sorted out on that very night.
thank you peeps, for all your genuine words and advices.
and the take home message was #don'tbother
I had an internal struggle with those two words.
Because I promised confidant to always be there.
yet those two words constantly prompt me to stop caring.
If I could, I would want to peep into his mind
and understand his preference, so to better make a decision.
But too bad, I can't. I could only choose based on my assumptions.
And I chose -
I chose to live with those two words when there's still feelings of affection
But to be a genuine friend when I no longer carry those feelings.
Seems simple, straightforward, and easy right?
But totally not, it took me awhile to reach that conclusion.
besides, treating him as a personal/close friend isn't as easy as I thought.
because his texts were sometimes so cold, and I could do nothing about it.
he can be so cold that I question myself if he still treats me as a personal friend.
I seem to always be in the confused state.
sometimes he texts me about pieces of his days
sometimes he tells me about his positive encounters
sometimes he sends selfies, grp pictures, or others
yet sometimes, he doesn't reply/reply as short as possible
and sometimes, I feel he doesn't share, only until when I happen to text him
I don't know, so what are we? Personal friends? Or just FT friends?
please tell me, so I know how to treat you
I hope bigmummy you could bless me with strength and courage
to constantly tell myself to stay as true to him no matter what
and to stay strong in his roller-coaster conversations
but if I collapse and give up one day, please don't blame me confidant
that's probably because I've used up all my cognitive resources
to deal with all the uncertainty and confusion that you've given me.
;if only we could be nice to each other, that's all I ask for